Be Your Own Best Friend
“Ugh, I’m too fat.”
“I’m too dumb to do that.”
“I’ll never succeeed at ____.”
Have you ever caught yourself saying this to yourself? Be honest, I won’t judge.
Maybe you haven’t specifically said any of those sentences but chances are you’ve said negative things to yourself. We all do it...but would you say those things to your best friend? A random stranger you met at the cafe? Your child?
I’m going to guess you wouldn’t...but why not? It’s too mean? It’s hurtful? It’s untrue?
Why is it OK to say these things to ourselves then?
Do you think it’s actually motivating? Does it make you strive to do better? Do you try harder or just sit on the sidelines?
Scenario 1: Your best friend “Cora” has been stressed out from job turmoil and a recent breakup. Since you last saw her she looks like she has gained 10 pounds. You meet with her for brunch and all she talks about is how she’s “sooo fat” and she’ll never get married because she looks like a heifer. She talks about going to the gym more but says she’ll probably quit after a week because “I can never stick to anything.”
Do you sit there and agree with her? Or do you say, “no that’s not true” and help remind her of her great personality and suggest you joining her at the gym for moral support?
Scenario 2: You’ve fallen off your normal gym routine and have developed a new Netflix and Chill Solo routine. Your Chill routine generally consists of 4-5 hour a night of Netflix, some salty snacks, and half a bottle of wine. You’ve put on 10 pounds since this started and have started to refer to it as your hibernation routine, it’s winter. You start to notice your clothes are fitting a bit tighter and you now like to grab the extra tissues around your abdomen and jiggle them calling yourself fat and ugly. This makes you sad so you look in the freezer and find the pint of Ben & Jerry’s, grab a spoon, and head to the couch for another Netflix session.
While scrolling through the options, you think about how much energy you had when you regularly went to the gym after work and consider going back. “You’ll just quit after a week” you say to yourself and you settle on watching a comedy special...you could use a laugh right now.
How are the two scenarios the same? Well both your best friend and you gained 10 pounds and don’t believe you could exercise to lose the weight, but when your best friend was talking you were nice to her and encouraging but when talking to yourself you were harsh and unyielding.
Why can’t we be our own best friends? Why can’t we give ourselves grace when we fall into a bad habit and remember that one step forward is one step closer to a new habit consistent with our goal? The truth is, we all stumble but those that succeed realize a stumble for what it is, a temporary misstep, and they start again the next day. Everyone can do it, it doesn’t take special talent, more self control or will power, or really anything more than realizing every day is a new day and one step forward is the most significant thing we can do (even if it doesn’t seem like its anything).
1% better every day for 1 year: 1.00 ^ 365 = 37.78% better
1% worse every day for 1 year: 0.99 ^ 365 = 00.03% worse
Small increments of change in either direction make a profound impact when repeated over time, in either direction. More on habit building later but today’s challenge I give to you is to give yourself grace and be your own best friend. Does that mean that starting tomorrow you’re forbidden from saying negative things about yourself? No, not really...I’m still guilty of this (we all can be) but it does mean that when you find yourself falling into one of these negative traps, pause and think “what would I say to my best friend?” and say that to yourself. Overtime you’ll feel the urge to say negative thoughts decrease and hopefully in the process you’ll find yourself encouraging yourself rather than berating yourself.
